Created by David Crane and Marta Kauffman, NBC's Friendsis often said to be the most popular TV show ever created in television history. Even though it ended in 2004, well over 15 years ago, Friendsis as watched and as well-liked as it was back in the 90s, due to its still-hilarious jokes and comedic situations.
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Phoebe Buffay, played by Lisa Kudrow, is one of the funniest characters in the show, having a weird but darkly hilarious past and quirky mannerisms. With that in mind, here are 10 of the best one-liners by Phoebe in Friends.
"Oh, Come On Will, Just Take Off Your Shirt And Tell Us!"
In the season 8 episode, "The One With The Rumor," Ross' high school friend, Will (played by Hollywood legend and Jennifer Aniston's then-husband, Brad Pitt) comes to visit for Thanksgiving and hates Rachel for teasing him throughout high school. He says he and Ross started a rumor about Rachel in high school.
After Ross tries to stop him from saying it, Phoebe instantly says the above line. Apart from being a pretty smooth line, it's also hilarious, including the reactions Ross and Will -- Ross just gives her a look and Will seems very flattered.
"If You Want To Receive Emails About My Upcoming Shows, Please Give Me Money So I Can Buy A Computer."
Throughout the series, Phoebe has always been seen doing odd jobs to support herself -- taxi driver, catering business owner, receptionist, agent, masseuse, and, most importantly, singer-songwriter at Central Perk. Her songs are as weird as they are hilarious, such as "Smelly Cat" and "My Mother's Ashes."
In "The One With Ross' Denial," after Phoebe performs a particularly rousing verse of "Ode To A Pubic Hair," she says the above line. Although she doesn't earn a lot from her singing, it's nice to see her so peppy and funny about it.
"You Love Divorce So Much, You're Probably Gonna Marry It ... And Then It Won't Work Out, So You're Gonna Have To Divorce It!"
Ross, also called The Divorce Force (by Ross), has been married and divorced three times by the show's finale. In the season 6 premiere, "The One After Vegas," Ross has gotten married again, to Rachel, and has no recollection of it the next morning. At brunch, when everyone tells them they got married and will have to get a divorce, Phoebe speaks up.
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A little tipsy, she says getting divorced is "Ross's thing" and then proceeds to say the above line. She then pauses and says, "I'm so drunk." While she did get carried away a little there, it's quite hilarious and, frankly, true.
"OH! MY EYES! MY EYES!"
Throughout season 5, ever since the gang returned from London, Chandler and Monica had been secretly dating, known only to Joey. Despite their painstaking efforts to keep the secret, Rachel finds out about them soon and so does Phoebe, in "The One Where Everybody Finds Out." While helping Ross search for a new place, they see Chandler and Monica having sex from Ross' new apartment's window.
Phoebe is immediately disgusted and starts shouting the above while covering her eyes. Rachel, hilariously, tries to distract Phoebe and begs her not to tell Ross.
"What?! HE STABBED ME FIRST!"
Throughout the series, viewers have laughed atPhoebe's hilariously dark past and the series has consistently made jokes about Phoebe's mother killing herself and Phoebe getting adopted by someone who then also kills himself. In "The One With Ross's Sandwich," Ross, knowing Phoebe lived on the streets, asks him to write a note to prevent anyone from taking his sandwich.
She writes a particularly bad-ass note and the gang looks impressed. She says, "Someday, I'll tell you about the time I stabbed a cop." Everyone seems a little shocked and Phoebe defensively shouts the above line.
"Sweet Lord, This Is What Evil Must Taste Like!"
In the season 2 episode, "The One With The List," Monica has a job interview in which she has to prepare a variety of dishes using Mockolate, a synthetic substitute for chocolate. Monica initially has trouble coming up with ideas for the dishes, however, she manages towhip up some dishes, like Mockolate chip cookies and Mockolate cranberry cake.
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She asks Rachel and Phoebe to taste the cookies but they fail miserably. Rachel says she can't believe Monica made her eat them, while Phoebe is utterly disgusted, spits it out, and says the above line. While the line in itself is hilarious, Monica's shocked reaction is even funnier.
"It's So Exhausting Waiting For Death."
Phoebe has always had weird quirks and believed in the mystical, like believing someone dies every time she goes to the dentist and believing that her mother was reincarnated in the form of a cat.She also believed she would die within a week since her psychic told her so, which is exactly what happens in the season 6 episode, "The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance."
After she tells the gang she will die within a week, Rachel amusedly says, "Hey, Pheebs, you're still alive! How are you doing?" Phoebe then says the above line and pretends to suddenly die, just to see how the others would react.
"Oh, One Really Does Have A Stick Up One's A**, Doesn't One?"
In the season 9 episode, "The One With Phoebe's Birthday Dinner," the gang decides to meet up for Phoebe's dinner at a fancy restaurant. However, everyone except Joey is late for dinner and a waiter with a weird British accent keeps bothering them to move to a smaller table. She says, "Thou needn't worry, they shan't be long" to hilariously replicate the poshness ofwaiter.
After the waiter keeps insisting, Phoebe hilariously says the above line, directly addressing the waiter. The waiter's look of disapproval and contempt make the scene even funnier.
"I LOVE JACQUES COUSTEAU!"
In one of the best scenes of season 6, the gang starts shouting things one after the other and Phoebe declares her love for Jacques Cousteau. In the episode, "The One Where Ross Got High." Phoebe has, er, exciting dreams about Monica and Ross's dad, Jack Geller. She keeps getting aroused at everything Jack does, including eating mashed potatoes.
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However, later she has a fantasy dream about Jacques Cousteau, the naval officer. This leads her to shout the above line when the gang is yelling stuff about themselves and each other ("I wasn'tsupposedto put beef in the trifle!") and hilariously, Judy replies, "Phoebe, I'm sorry honey, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead" -- to Phoebe's surprise.
"How It's Been So Long Since You've Had Sex You're Wondering If They've Changed It?"
Phoebe has always been the odd one from the group, due to her quirks and her experience of living on the streets. The show plays all this for laughs, like in the pilot episode when Phoebe cleanses Ross' aura when he's down in the dumps. She also has a response for everything, with a comeback always on the tip of her tongue.
In "The One With Ross's New Girlfriend," Phoebe gives Chandler and Joey haircuts. Monica says, "Pheebs, you know what I'm thinking?" -- to which Phoebe immediately replies the above line. Even funnier is Monica's response, "No, althoughnow that's what I'm thinking."
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